Lynn’s Story: Addiction & Meth Use in Pregnancy

With two kids in DCFS custody she now uses meth to lull the pain and sadness it’s caused in her life. My heart breaks for her and her children…

i have been doing meth for almost 7 in a half yrs. i have been doing it none stop every single day for the past 2 in a half yrs. no joke every single day. infacted i just got doing a bomber which those who dont know what that is its where u take a ripped piece of toilet paper and in the middle of it u put ur choice amount of dope ball it up and pop it like a pill 20 min later bam ur high.enuff about that my story is sad just like anyone else’s that has done or is doing meth.

at first when i started doing meth it was so much fun and i  didnt at the time believe that it was that bad of a drug. infacted i actually believed this was the thing that ever came in my life so much energy and life in me that i never knew i had. me and my boyfriend(who i am still with)nick where having a blast always have sex for days at a time (no joke). and then before i knew it a year and 3 months had went by. now when i started meth i weighed 137 pounds with in the first 6 months of using i had lost 37 pounds. when i realized that i had lost a yr. and 3 months of my life and was so skinny that i looked like a walking bag of skin and bones, i freaked out nick and i by then started to have severe problems cause we had learned how to make the meth and were constantly fighting about who stole who’s dope and  severe paranoia mind set come into the picture which made think that everyone was out to get me and wanted to hurt me even nick. so i moved back to ohio where i grew up and moved back in with my parents which was a mistake cause 2 weeks later i moved out and got my own place and reconnected with my high school boyfriend who got me pregnant within the first week we were back together.

then he left me when he found out i was. thats when my life really took a turn for the worst. all of the sudden i lost my apartment my jobs and found myself bouncing from house to house friend to friend staying with them for a couple of weeks or months at a time. then when i was 7 in a half months along i started talking with nick again and decided to move back home i had been clean and sober for that whole 7 in a half months. nick swore he was too but he lied cause the day i got off the greyhound bus he stopped by our old dope dealers house to drop off a care package so he would make some dope for him. he was doing dope in front of me like it was no big deal and so did all our dope friends. i grew weak and gave in to temptation and convinced nick while he was high that it would hurt the baby (he was really high) he would do anything i told to when he was high so he gave me a line and turned his back towards me while i did it. then a month and 3 weeks later i went into labor when i was high ambulance came to my house to get me cause it was jan. and snow up to ur knees. when i got to the hostpital they asked all the normal questions but one ? was have u or r u doing drugs and i had no choice but to tell them cause here in IL its mandatory for the hostpials to take a 1st poop sample from the infant to test for drug use. after they delivered her they would let me see her or touch her at all the 4 days i was there if i wanted to see her i had to get out of bed even after just having a cesection surgery done. and walk to the nursery where a nurse was to be the room watching my every little move cause the state got involved and order them not to leave me alone with my child for i might try and run away with her.the first 8 months of her life she spent in foster care with only once a month with supervised visits then my parents flew here from ohio and when threw a horrible 8 months of their lives spending every single last dime they had to get custody of her. she has been with them for the past 3 years she will be 4 in jan of 2010.

then i went into a severe depression was trying all that i could to over dose on meth so i would die cause i still to this day can not and will not ever forgive myself. I don’t deserve to be forgiven ever. so about almost a yr went by then i stupidly got pregnant by nick with my 2nd child another girl. but this time was even 10 times worse than last. cause i was doing meth off and on during the whole 9 months but this time i didn’t admit to the hospital about my using cause i had been clean for 5 almost 6 days before i went into labor so i figured i and the baby would pass the test but no she didnt cause there was the lowest level reading on her test but i tested clean she stayed in my recovery room for the whole 3 days i was there in my arms the whole time then bam here comes the doctor the day i am supposed to go home with her and tells me and nick about the failed test and how DCFS(child services) was on their way to take her away from me. well she now lives with nicks brother and sister in law here in IL.

we get to see her every now and then she thinks that nick and i are her aunt and uncle and that kills me each and every single day of my life. she just turned 3 in aug. i hate myself so much i just wished i could do enough dope and give myself a hear attack or something cause i dont want to live anymore and i hate nick with a ever loving passion but stay with him cause he is all i have known for 8 yrs and i guess a some part of me still loves him and cares for him with a small bit of hope someday things might actually change.
I know my story was long and detailed but that honestly was the short version the things i experienced when i was really really high would blow ur mind but if u think u could handle 1 or 2 of them just blog me back or comment on my story and i will try my hardest to be as honest and open with anyone thats wants to know about them but please try not to judge me for my past or present mistakes for i do that each and every single day when I look in the mirror.

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34 thoughts on “Lynn’s Story: Addiction & Meth Use in Pregnancy

  1. hello, i want to know more about your story. if you want to tell me. i am not a meth user, but i have a project on it and i want to actualy here from someone ! thank you if you want to tell me.. cheyenne you can email me it if you like. cmitchell94@gmail.com

  2. Lynn , good luck on your recovery. I have just been awarded custody of my seven year old grandaughter. Her mother, not my daughter, did meth the hole time she was pregant with her. she to stoped three weeks before the birth so dfac would not take the baby. i have fought for seven and half years to get the baby, it has been a long battle. she is deaf in one ear, has asthma and severe acid reflux. at one time she was on 17 medications a day because of her mom using meth. she is now medication free and only needs inhalers for asthma every now and then. you can do this, i know it ios hard my son was a meth addict to and has been clean for 18 months now. just hang in there and find you a program that will help you and get away from this life style. your parents and kids need you. they love you regardless. i will pray for you, good luck linda

  3. I know you think you should never be forgiven…I once felt that way too….I had an addiction to meth for 10+ years and almost lost my kids and THERE IS HOPE! I did move away from everything I loved and started over. I had NOTHING but my kids and I and our clothes. It was hard but so worth everything. Clean now for 6 years and I will never go back. Honestly Jesus SAVED me from myself…His forgivness is the only thing I could acccept. I couldn’t even forgive myself at that time…I had done HORRIBLE things that I was proud of and now I am not. I still struggle with some after effects but try to give it all to God. Hoping and praying for your recovery!!!!!!!

  4. i used to be a big ass tweaker but i found out i was pregnant when i was only 4 weeks along. I took my pipe and the gram i just bought and threw that shit away. I havent touched it since and my daughter is gonna be 2. The love for your baby is something out of this world and a way bigger feeling than meth could ever give me. I cant imagine smoking while i was pregnant and my childe being born addicted they would be in so much pain. Stop trying to make everyone feel sorry for you. If you really cared about your child.. you would have stopped OR NOT STARTED AFTER 7 MONTHS AND YOU WOULDNT EVEN HAVE PUT YOURSELF AROUND DRUGGIES. YOUR JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM LOSER ASS TWEEKERS WHO WILL NEVER GROW UP AND BE A MOM AND HAVE A HUSBAND WITH A NORMAL JOB. i used to be a loser too.. but now im clean and have a beautiful daughter and a awesome husband.. just graduated after qutting highschool for 3 years.. i didnt even get my ged i just went back to school i didnt care how old i was… you need to grow up and be a mom and leave all your lsoer druggie friends man.

  5. OH AND THINGS CAN CHANGE TODAY AS YOU READ THIS. LEAVE NICK GO TO A HOMELESS SHELTER IF YOU HAVE TO.. STAY CLEAR OF DRUGGIES AND CHEACK YOURSELF INTO A REHAB GET A JOB.. GET A CAR.. A NICE HOUSE… AND THEN MAYBE SOMEDAY YOUR DAUGHTER CAN FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HER. IT ALL STARTS TODAY NOT SOMEDAY.. SOMEDAY WILL NEVER HAPPEN. IF YOU KEEP SAYING SOMEDAY. ORTOMMRROW.

  6. Girl, it is NEVER too late to clean yourself up and make something of yourself. Although you may not have custody of your children, the BEST thing for them is a mother that is clean. You CANT dwell on the past mistakes. You can only change from today forward. I am raising a child whose mother is on meth and I know that 13 or 14 yrs from now when he figures out his aunt is actually his biological mother, it would be wonderful if she could tell him how the addiction USED to control her, but that she was straight now. Most importantly, there is no future in it except for institution, jail or death. You have a purpose here and you can do it if you set your mind to it. GOD is so powerful and if you put your faith in him, you can do it. You have to get away Nick if he doesn’t want to get clean. I have faith in you that you want to change. No one can do it but you. I will pray for you.

  7. I live in canton ohio I have 2 kids my kids are in foster care the so called worker on my case she keep telling lies the public defender he want do noting on my case I’m still fighting for my kids I would like to start having group meetings here in ohio I would like for anyone to contact me my e-mail is kindnessohio33@yahoo.com a lot of parents / families need a lot of help / support

  8. If we did it, u could stop. I was pregnant 2011 it wss april I was addicted to meth
    I was scared for my baby I had an abortion I met my neighbor big ass tweaker
    He sells drugs and smogs it his violent , sees shadows accusses me of stuff I stop tweaking it wen I found out I was 5weeks pregnant I cried I knew I wasnt clean but I made my decision I stopped I couldnt ho threw that again. He keeps doing it im with him but he promises his gona change but I know he wont . Im 6months pregnant drug free im happy wen I was tweaked out I use to feel guilty cause my dad left us wen I was z10years old . But I changed for my son I know he wont change he keeps on accusing me of being a dope user but I know is because he uses it. Girl do it for ur kids even tho there not with u. Do it cause u love urself to love ur kids I know u could do it look for god . He will forgive u . God bless u

  9. I feel like I know you already! Although my story doesn’t match yours exactly, drugs have taken me thru the ringer and I TOTALLY identify w/ the feelings of hopelessness. I did methamphetamine for several years, but my drugs of choice belong to the opioid class (esp oxycodone and methadone). It wasn’t until I took my first Lortab that I ever felt “normaL”. I was an excellent student, athletic, popular, involved in everything, etc, but I let it take me down. By the time I got to college, I was wild.
    Skip now to 2009, shortly after my 27th birthday. I had been clean for a while but slipped. EVERY day I was either chasing or taking pills. At that time, I chose to go to the methadone clinic. It’s addictive but legal; it seemed a reasonable alternative. Then I turned up prego… and freaked the f*** out. Unlike many street drugs, Methadone does not effect the development of the baby, but the fetus shares its mother’s addiction to the substance. I felt horribly guilty but had no choice since detoxing is a huge risk for the fetus.  Anyhow, she was born hooked: I wasn’t in trouble per se, but I had to watch her suffer, and that was one of– if not THE– hardest things I’ve done.

    Now… there’s a happy ending. But barely.
    A few months later, my husband left me. He tried to take the baby from me based on my drug history (even though his sainthood was never established, lol). I went to rehab, halfway house, the whole nine, and spent almost FIVE MONTHS away from my newborn despite the fact that I retained custody of her. But when I got home, my fears of a broken bond were quieted. She knew me!

    Since then, we’ve had our ups and downs. We are now divorced with joint custody. I’ve been to jail and rehab before and since, and I can tell you this: you CAN do this. It not only seems tough but is tough, tougher than what anyone can imagine. But YOU ARE THOSE BABIES’ MOMMY!– regardless of what the state has to say about it. I’m no preacher, and I’m no NA/AA book thumper, but here’s what I suggest:
    1). Surround yourself w/ positive people.
    2). Stay busy even if it means working a menial job.
    3). Volunteer. There are always people in worse situations. Serve soup and be thankful.
    4). Re-prioritize. Relationships come and go, and it sounds like this one needs to GO.
    5). Ask a higher power for help. He/she will hear you and respond in its own time;  patience is something we lack as addicts, but hang in there.

    I’ve known many women in similar situations. Some have succeeded; others have succumbed to their old lifestyles. I know it beckons, but if you listen, other beckonings– maybe just whispers at first– are calling with love.

  10. High. my fiance whom i love very much is addicted. i cant put myself n his place to understand but have begun to feel like ill never compare to the adoration of the drugs. i feel hopeless. help me understand.

  11. God, what I would do to go back to that day I tried it (my own mother introduced me)
    I’m so sorry for what has happened to u as I e been a meth addict since 16 I’m 32 my story goes so much farther down! I have 4 kids the older two live with their father (I see them regularly) my younger two (ages 6 &3) now live with their fathers. I raised my younger two both from birth. A little over a year ago I lost my home CPS took my younger 2 from me they sent my,at the time, 5year old to his father who lives 800 miles away I’ve seen him twice since then and they sent my youngest to his abusive father who lives in the same city as myself but I have not seen my son in over a year. I have always used meth It never came before my children, but Since I’ve lost them I’ve started using more than I ever have. Reality is unbearable and the drug makes me feel motivated instead of depressed! I just found out I’m pregnant AGAIN. Though im not prochoice, I’m actually considering an abortion to advoid losing another child to CPS BECAUSE IM DIRTY RIGHT NOW, I need help! But idk where to go! I have absolutely no family here and no support. I’m homeless. I’m really in a bad position. What should I do? Why do people judge those of us whom are drug addicts? It makes no sense to me! It’s not like I’m out robing people/doing shady sh!t for my fix! I’m only human! I made a mistake, in which ultimately has taken over my entire life! I HATE THIS! IM NOT THE BAD GUY! I’VE BECOME A VICTIM OF ADDICTION! I just wanna lay here in this motel bed and die. Ive seriously lost all hope for any type of future with my youngest child! I miss the times we all had together the laughter, everything! But The one thing I miss the most is myself. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

  12. This is real sad to me, I have a daughter in jail at this time. We have had her daughter with us two years now. She is five. One of the saddest things is what she has missed in her daughters life, she thinks she is away in school. I kno if my daughter doesn’t get it together this time, she never will. She is 34 and been in prison three time and in jail more times than i can recall. A SAD MOM IN SAN DIEGO.

  13. Hi my name is anna I’m 16 and ive been using meth for about 2 months now, I stopped two weeks ago tomorrow but ive come very close to relapsing. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 months now, we’re both addicted to meth and hes been addicted for years. Recently I started having pregnancy symptoms but thought nothing of it because I was in recovery, that was until I had my first period in over a year ( I have an iud) I’m really starting to freak out about this, neither myself or my boyfriend are ready for a child and I’ve come very close to relapsing even just today.
    can someone give me advice on how to deal with this?

  14. Then show those two babies how much they mean to you…clean up…do it
    immediately..If you really wanted to kill yourself you would have by now…get away from Nick…and any other person fooling around with meth…don’t tell anyone that your quitting they wont belive you…you just do this FOR YOU and those two babies who really need their really mother…when I quit I quit cold turkey…I just was talking in my head the way you do and I told myself…Patrice you are better than this..tomorrow is thanksgiving and I wil have to fake eating…what kinda way is that to sped a family holiday….no way girl…and I promise you that everyday your off meth you will feel more and more like the old real you…trust me..those babies are worth it…they need their really mommy to be there for them thru life….im sure your family will be glad to give them back when they see a changed person for a good length of time….UP ON HOPE..DOWN ON DOPE….lol…good luck honey call anytime you need a peptakj,,4096516846 Patrice

  15. your poor thing..my heart goes out to you….I hope thing are better for you now…bless your heard…get to a church…have them pray for you…to help you stay strong,,make up you mind…you know you can quit..its an evil horrible drug hat will suck the life out of u

  16. Hi, that is a really sad story and my heart goes out to you.
    I have only just recently found out 6 days ago that i am pregnant. I have been using drugs since i was 14 and pretty much haven’t stopped now being 27. For the last 5 months I have really been hitting it hard going through at least half a ball a week up my arm. I’ve been research about the best ways to detox because i don’t want to do any more harm to my unborn baby but everywhere i read it says that the worst thing you could possibly do is to detox during early pregnancy… I’m so confused how to go about it, even my doctor couldn’t give me an answer… Can someone please help me and give me some advice and tell me what or how i can go about it without causing any more damage… Thank you

  17. I’m sorry but I have a hard time feeling sorry for you. And I know what you’re going through because my mother was an alcoholic. I know how addiction can affect a child’s life. You need to leave Nick and you need to get a good job and get clean. If you want your kids because you need to prove you’re reliable enough to do it. You WERE NOT addicted when you were 7 months along. You were clean. But YOU, and you alone, decided to smoke meth. Did they not teach you how to say no in middle school/elementary school? It’s your life and no one else’s. if Nick wants to be a total screw over the rest of his life, let him. But you need to take initiative for your own life. You weren’t born an addict. Don’t die one. I know you probably won’t read this so I wish you the best of luck in your life. God bless.

  18. Whats the #1 reason when u were pregnant back then that would of kept u clean? I am pregnant and have done meth before and once after i found out i was pregnant. Im trying to figure out if i can stay clean without rehab i dont do it too often but im still doing it.

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  21. i have a hard time feeling sorry for any of u!! i feel sorry for the babies you all have made retarded or killed! good lord you are not the VICTIM them babies are! get some help!

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  23. I would feel sorry for this lady, but she’s high as she writes it!? So are you looking for sympathy, or are you truly crying out? Go to rehab if you want help. You sitting there crying wanting to die isn’t going to help matters…just another form of giving up!
    And BTW…you can’t OD on meth! So don’t try to do it that way. Good luck and I hope you get your children back soon. God will show you favor when you give into him and truly let go.
    PSALMS 50:15…call upon Me in your time of trouble, I will deliver you, and you will glorify Me…

  24. Kids get put on the back burner so easily, and they didn’t do anything to deserve it! Well said

  25. If you can’t go without it completely…you should get help! Your unborn child is what’s important here, so please do the right thing and stop. It’s hard to do, but the joy of having a healthy baby is far more important…right!? Meth really sucks to b honest with you. It’s garbage these days…really, it’s not worth doing, baby on the way or not! Good luck to uou

  26. Dear Lynn,
    I really hope that everything changes for you, your two children, and Nick. It’s hard getting off any kind of drug, especially meth. It is possible to get off meth but you HAVE to be the person that wants to, you also have to believe in yourself enough to get off of it. I come from a family that has trouble with drugs, I know that it’s hard to get off. Once you get that first high from meth you never want to get off of it, until you find out what it really does to you. I really hope you get off meth, leave Nick (even if you still love him), try to make a relationship with your kids, and make a new life for yourself. No, you won’t be able to forget all the bad times you’ve had but you can make happy memories. Please don’t try to commit suicide. I wish you the very, very, very, very best Lynn!!! 😉

  27. Nobody should bash or throw ugly comments ..they aren’t to judge u for what u did..only GOD.. N no one truly knows ur story. No one truly knows what u been through or struggles or what actually made u hit rock bottom..I can relate some .I would love to talk to u without anyone else reading our convo..I think I could really relate in some ways. I think u could help me I n something that I’m going through..in fact please contact me o give me some way to email u or talk with u.thank u for sharing ur story.thanks again

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