Lynn’s Story: Addiction & Meth Use in Pregnancy

With two kids in DCFS custody she now uses meth to lull the pain and sadness it’s caused in her life. My heart breaks for her and her children…

i have been doing meth for almost 7 in a half yrs. i have been doing it none stop every single day for the past 2 in a half yrs. no joke every single day. infacted i just got doing a bomber which those who dont know what that is its where u take a ripped piece of toilet paper and in the middle of it u put ur choice amount of dope ball it up and pop it like a pill 20 min later bam ur high.enuff about that my story is sad just like anyone else’s that has done or is doing meth.
at first when i started doing meth it was so much fun and i  didnt at the time believe that it was that bad of a drug. infacted i actually believed this was the thing that ever came in my life so much energy and life in me that i never knew i had. me and my boyfriend(who i am still with)nick where having a blast always have sex for days at a time (no joke). and then before i knew it a year and 3 months had went by. now when i started meth i weighed 137 pounds with in the first 6 months of using i had lost 37 pounds. when i realized that i had lost a yr. and 3 months of my life and was so skinny that i looked like a walking bag of skin and bones, i freaked out nick and i by then started to have severe problems cause we had learned how to make the meth and were constantly fighting about who stole who’s dope and  severe paranoia mind set come into the picture which made think that everyone was out to get me and wanted to hurt me even nick. so i moved back to ohio where i grew up and moved back in with my parents which was a mistake cause 2 weeks later i moved out and got my own place and reconnected with my high school boyfriend who got me pregnant within the first week we were back together.
then he left me when he found out i was. thats when my life really took a turn for the worst. all of the sudden i lost my apartment my jobs and found myself bouncing from house to house friend to friend staying with them for a couple of weeks or months at a time. then when i was 7 in a half months along i started talking with nick again and decided to move back home i had been clean and sober for that whole 7 in a half months. nick swore he was too but he lied cause the day i got off the greyhound bus he stopped by our old dope dealers house to drop off a care package so he would make some dope for him. he was doing dope in front of me like it was no big deal and so did all our dope friends. i grew weak and gave in to temptation and convinced nick while he was high that it would hurt the baby (he was really high) he would do anything i told to when he was high so he gave me a line and turned his back towards me while i did it. then a month and 3 weeks later i went into labor when i was high ambulance came to my house to get me cause it was jan. and snow up to ur knees. when i got to the hostpital they asked all the normal questions but one ? was have u or r u doing drugs and i had no choice but to tell them cause here in IL its mandatory for the hostpials to take a 1st poop sample from the infant to test for drug use. after they delivered her they would let me see her or touch her at all the 4 days i was there if i wanted to see her i had to get out of bed even after just having a cesection surgery done. and walk to the nursery where a nurse was to be the room watching my every little move cause the state got involved and order them not to leave me alone with my child for i might try and run away with her.the first 8 months of her life she spent in foster care with only once a month with supervised visits then my parents flew here from ohio and when threw a horrible 8 months of their lives spending every single last dime they had to get custody of her. she has been with them for the past 3 years she will be 4 in jan of 2010.
then i went into a severe depression was trying all that i could to over dose on meth so i would die cause i still to this day can not and will not ever forgive myself. I don’t deserve to be forgiven ever. so about almost a yr went by then i stupidly got pregnant by nick with my 2nd child another girl. but this time was even 10 times worse than last. cause i was doing meth off and on during the whole 9 months but this time i didn’t admit to the hospital about my using cause i had been clean for 5 almost 6 days before i went into labor so i figured i and the baby would pass the test but no she didnt cause there was the lowest level reading on her test but i tested clean she stayed in my recovery room for the whole 3 days i was there in my arms the whole time then bam here comes the doctor the day i am supposed to go home with her and tells me and nick about the failed test and how DCFS(child services) was on their way to take her away from me. well she now lives with nicks brother and sister in law here in IL.
we get to see her every now and then she thinks that nick and i are her aunt and uncle and that kills me each and every single day of my life. she just turned 3 in aug. i hate myself so much i just wished i could do enough dope and give myself a hear attack or something cause i dont want to live anymore and i hate nick with a ever loving passion but stay with him cause he is all i have known for 8 yrs and i guess a some part of me still loves him and cares for him with a small bit of hope someday things might actually change.
I know my story was long and detailed but that honestly was the short version the things i experienced when i was really really high would blow ur mind but if u think u could handle 1 or 2 of them just blog me back or comment on my story and i will try my hardest to be as honest and open with anyone thats wants to know about them but please try not to judge me for my past or present mistakes for i do that each and every single day when I look in the mirror.

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    • By
    Topics: Meth Abuse, Meth Stories
    • http://www.alltreatment.com/ Denny

      Dear Lynn,

      My name is Denny and I'm writing to ask you to participate in an interview about meth addiction and how it has touched your life.

      Please do me the favor of getting in touch. You can check out other interviews we've conducted here: http://www.alltreatment.com/heroin-addiction/he…

      Best,
      Denny
      Managing Editor, AllTreatment.com

    • Cmitchell94

      hello, i want to know more about your story. if you want to tell me. i am not a meth user, but i have a project on it and i want to actualy here from someone ! thank you if you want to tell me.. cheyenne you can email me it if you like. cmitchell94@gmail.com

    • Rgrfaines

      ylou are very sick

    • Randyslilmonkey4life_2000

      hey i really are inspired by your story. i have alot going on my self and i would love to keep in touch with you so you could please write me at randyslilmonkey4life_2000@yahoo.com and please dont be scared cause i know how hard it is. thanks

    • Lindacfonseca

      Lynn , good luck on your recovery. I have just been awarded custody of my seven year old grandaughter. Her mother, not my daughter, did meth the hole time she was pregant with her. she to stoped three weeks before the birth so dfac would not take the baby. i have fought for seven and half years to get the baby, it has been a long battle. she is deaf in one ear, has asthma and severe acid reflux. at one time she was on 17 medications a day because of her mom using meth. she is now medication free and only needs inhalers for asthma every now and then. you can do this, i know it ios hard my son was a meth addict to and has been clean for 18 months now. just hang in there and find you a program that will help you and get away from this life style. your parents and kids need you. they love you regardless. i will pray for you, good luck linda

    • Jmiddour

      I know you think you should never be forgiven…I once felt that way too….I had an addiction to meth for 10+ years and almost lost my kids and THERE IS HOPE! I did move away from everything I loved and started over. I had NOTHING but my kids and I and our clothes. It was hard but so worth everything. Clean now for 6 years and I will never go back. Honestly Jesus SAVED me from myself…His forgivness is the only thing I could acccept. I couldn’t even forgive myself at that time…I had done HORRIBLE things that I was proud of and now I am not. I still struggle with some after effects but try to give it all to God. Hoping and praying for your recovery!!!!!!!

    • Acuraimport2

      Take the stick out of your own eye before you point out someone’s splinter…

    • Jaydesmama

      i used to be a big ass tweaker but i found out i was pregnant when i was only 4 weeks along. I took my pipe and the gram i just bought and threw that shit away. I havent touched it since and my daughter is gonna be 2. The love for your baby is something out of this world and a way bigger feeling than meth could ever give me. I cant imagine smoking while i was pregnant and my childe being born addicted they would be in so much pain. Stop trying to make everyone feel sorry for you. If you really cared about your child.. you would have stopped OR NOT STARTED AFTER 7 MONTHS AND YOU WOULDNT EVEN HAVE PUT YOURSELF AROUND DRUGGIES. YOUR JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM LOSER ASS TWEEKERS WHO WILL NEVER GROW UP AND BE A MOM AND HAVE A HUSBAND WITH A NORMAL JOB. i used to be a loser too.. but now im clean and have a beautiful daughter and a awesome husband.. just graduated after qutting highschool for 3 years.. i didnt even get my ged i just went back to school i didnt care how old i was… you need to grow up and be a mom and leave all your lsoer druggie friends man.

    • JAYDESMAMA

      OH AND THINGS CAN CHANGE TODAY AS YOU READ THIS. LEAVE NICK GO TO A HOMELESS SHELTER IF YOU HAVE TO.. STAY CLEAR OF DRUGGIES AND CHEACK YOURSELF INTO A REHAB GET A JOB.. GET A CAR.. A NICE HOUSE… AND THEN MAYBE SOMEDAY YOUR DAUGHTER CAN FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HER. IT ALL STARTS TODAY NOT SOMEDAY.. SOMEDAY WILL NEVER HAPPEN. IF YOU KEEP SAYING SOMEDAY. ORTOMMRROW.

    • Kandcgilliam

      Girl, it is NEVER too late to clean yourself up and make something of yourself. Although you may not have custody of your children, the BEST thing for them is a mother that is clean. You CANT dwell on the past mistakes. You can only change from today forward. I am raising a child whose mother is on meth and I know that 13 or 14 yrs from now when he figures out his aunt is actually his biological mother, it would be wonderful if she could tell him how the addiction USED to control her, but that she was straight now. Most importantly, there is no future in it except for institution, jail or death. You have a purpose here and you can do it if you set your mind to it. GOD is so powerful and if you put your faith in him, you can do it. You have to get away Nick if he doesn’t want to get clean. I have faith in you that you want to change. No one can do it but you. I will pray for you.

    • kindness

      I live in canton ohio I have 2 kids my kids are in foster care the so called worker on my case she keep telling lies the public defender he want do noting on my case I’m still fighting for my kids I would like to start having group meetings here in ohio I would like for anyone to contact me my e-mail is kindnessohio33@yahoo.com a lot of parents / families need a lot of help / support

    • Colocha_clone

      If we did it, u could stop. I was pregnant 2011 it wss april I was addicted to meth
      I was scared for my baby I had an abortion I met my neighbor big ass tweaker
      He sells drugs and smogs it his violent , sees shadows accusses me of stuff I stop tweaking it wen I found out I was 5weeks pregnant I cried I knew I wasnt clean but I made my decision I stopped I couldnt ho threw that again. He keeps doing it im with him but he promises his gona change but I know he wont . Im 6months pregnant drug free im happy wen I was tweaked out I use to feel guilty cause my dad left us wen I was z10years old . But I changed for my son I know he wont change he keeps on accusing me of being a dope user but I know is because he uses it. Girl do it for ur kids even tho there not with u. Do it cause u love urself to love ur kids I know u could do it look for god . He will forgive u . God bless u