I Will Always be a Prisoner to Meth

I smoked meth for the first time when I was 14. I started using because I had a huge crush on an older boy who used. Once I took a hit I fell in love with it.

I was smoking and sniffin almost a ball a day. I started using crack, e, oxys, heroin, coke, whatever I could get my hands on. At 15 I started prostituting in [city name redacted]. I was lying, cheating, stealing & hurting everyone who knew me & I didn’t care.

I took pride in the fact that I was a junkie. It was sick how I enjoyed all the pain and the suffering. I was even thrilled when I started hearing voices inside my head. I would hear and see things, laugh & smile because I knew it was meth doing it so I loved it.

I was homeless for the majority of my addiction, sleeping in timmies bathrooms, laundry mats, under bridges, bank doorways, anywhere with heat. Soon I got a room in a boarding house where the hardest, worst meth dealers & users lived. I was in heaven at 16.

But, eventually the loneliness, trauma, pain and suffering caught up to me. I finally got sick of trying to survive instead of living. I didn’t want to feel that emptiness anymore, I didn’t want to just shrug off emotions and pain until later, I wanted to be able to trust someone again, to love & not be deceived. So, I found a way out.

I moved hours away and i am finally clean. But no I did not beat this addiction. I dont think anybody ever fully kicks an addiction. Everyday I have to live with the guilt and trauma of crimes I committed. I have horrible, horrible dreams every night, I can still taste it, smell it, see it. Its an obsession of the mind and I dont know if it will ever leave me.

I will never be able to turn back, even though I no longer use, I will always be a prisoner to meth.

Please, if you are new to the drug game, get out now. Its worse than words can describe.. it will own you , it wil throw you away and take over your body.. I am no longer me, I am merely a shell of the person who used to be me,  I’m empty & I dont  wish that upon anybody.