Living with the Pain of Other People’s Choices

My life has been deeply affected by meth and I only tried it once. I got pregnant by my high school sweetheart and we later got married. He ended up joining the army and was sent to Iraq for 18 months. When he came back, I slowly realized that he was using and selling meth.

He would leave for days at a time. I begged and begged him to stop, I told his family and it just got worse and worse. I was so desperate for him to love me that I even went along with it for awhile and tried it with him once. I thank God everyday that it was the worst thing I had ever done and I hated every minute of it.

All it did was make my stomach hurt, made me talk until I wanted to kick my own ass, and kept me up for 2 days. I never touched it again even tough by this time he was a well known dealer and heavy user. He finally kicked me out. Yeah HE kicked ME out. I mean we had just bought our first house, our son was 4 or 5, we had everything we needed life should have been good.

A few months later, he had some teenage girl living with him and he filed for divorce. I had left my son with him because all he left me with was my clothes and my car. I had no money, no job, nothing. So I was living out of my car or in hotels for a while but I got a job, moved in with family after finally admitting to them what was going on. I went and got my son and started to build a new life.

Right before our divorce was final he was arrested for murder.

My son and I were shattered. By this time I was doing well and had a new man. I moved on as best I could. He went on to marry that girl and they had a son of thier own. He was out on bond for about 4 years. Then his wife became pregnant agian right before his trial. He ended up being found guilty of murder and sentenced to 55 years.

At this point I was re-married, put myself through pharmacy tech school, had a great job, owned my own car and we just moved into a new house. My son a straight A student, was doing well. Then he started failing math and english, he got in fights at school. I pulled him out of it and he’s back making A’s.

I had never really met his wife but we ended up running into each other and finally talking, I have nothing agianst her and we decided to be friends for the kids sake. Then she ends up delivering early at the hospital I work at. And I find out that the baby tested positive for meth. He’s really tiny and has trouble eating. This is yet another blow to my son and his family.

I lost a baby a few years ago with my new husband and have had trouble dealing with it, and I can’t help but think how unfair it is that I have done the right thing and took myself and my child out of a dangerous situation. Worked hard, fear God, and have the want and the means to raise another child, and here she just throws it all away. I don’t see how anyone can put that crap above their own baby. I am so hurt by this. I don’t know how much more my own son can take. But God has always got us through it.

But, still we have to live with the pain of other people’s choices.

It’s not fair. Meth is the devil, just pure evil that seeks to kill and destroy. I hate it. That was the short version. So, for those that use, stop for one damn second and think about your family an all the other people you could be affecting. Our lives will never be the same. And now this poor baby is struggling just to live. I’m so saddened and angry by this. God help us all.