This is Lesley’s story. She sent me her poem called Crystal you did me wrong and was kind enough to share some personal perspective behind the poem that truly chronicles her journey with meth:
I started using meth when I was about 22 years old and when i first tried it was called crank and it was a whole different high…I couldn’t eat and I was always licking my lips so I had cold sores that were gross and ugly. I would stay up for 4 to 5 days at a time and there was one time where I made it for 7 days..I thought I kept my use under control by it just being a weekend thing Friday through Sunday, but ten it went to Monday and so on and so on.
My mother was also an addict and she is the devil woman that got me started on it, she would stay up for days writing in this notebook that I called the devil chronicles. She was completely delusional and coming up with conspiracies. She thought that I was having sex with her boyfriend who was basically my step father of 10 years or so …She ended up attacking him by surprise and beat him in the head with a lead pipe. After she sat a few days in jail she started mentally and physically abusing me, she broke into my upstairs apartment and tore posters off the wall, broke everything that she possibly could and threw all my belongings out into the street. When I came home and noticed what was going on I confronted her and I could see she was filled with rage, she jumped up and attacked me and all I could do was put my hands over my head and curl up into a ball onto the floor and cry…when she was done I left immediately and called my father and he told me to call 911 so I did …she went to jail again and I filed a order for protection on her and had to go to court ..after court was done she handed me some paperwork and a larger brown envelope …I didn’t look inside right away, but when I got home i opened it and there was all of the pictures that my parents had ever taken of me from the time I was a baby up until I graduated high school.
I moved out from that apartment and salvaged what I could of my belongings. I didn’t talk to my mother for many months, almost a year. I did get my hands on her “Devil Chronicles” and the things I read in there were so disturbing, I will never forget what I read or what she has done to me. I was still using up until I was 29 basically the same pattern also.
Then I met this man named Chris and he was straight, didn’t even drink and he came from a very strong christian family and I ended up moving in with him within two weeks and I got pregnant and just quit using cold turkey. Not even a craving at all for it …Best time in my life ..well I had my daughter in 2003, we were a happy family, I was breast feeding, cooking and cleaning and caring for our new born baby.. well I had this friend named Julie who kept on calling and asking me if I was done breast feeding yet because there was new shit out called fluff and crystal meth …after a while I gave into temptation and was right back into it heavy as ever.
Chris noticed that I was acting different and becoming irritable quite often and I broke down crying and told him the truth, and quit again for about 16 months and started again ….and started hanging with some bad people like dope dealers with guns and warrants, staying out all night, crooks and felons, etc… well I ended up getting held hostage once had two different cars stolen, one i got back and one I didn’t . I have had guns held to my head, had my life threatened along with my family’s.
By this time my boyfriend was fed up , so I quit again but not for long. This time was the big show….I met this girl who got her hands on credit cards for department stores , fake i.d.’s, blank personal checks, etc. well I was too high to realize what I was doing and used stolen credit cards and did some shopping …about a thousand dollars worth …filled my car up with gas a couple times. Didn’t think I would get caught but I did .. at that time I also knew this guy who had robbed a business and had asked me if he could store a bunch of stolen items in my basement so I said yes like an idiot, and about a month later I was pulling into my driveway and a mini van pulled up behind me and two investigators got out and asked if I was Lesley and I said yes of course …well I didn’t lie about the stolen merchandise or the use of the credit cards.
My father and my boyfriend were absolutely disgusted with me …about a month after that the police came to my house with two search warrants, one for my car and one for my house, I had just woken up that morning when they arrived and they made me sit on the couch and wait for a squad car to come get me and take me to jail, handcuffs and still in my pajamas…I was so scared all I did was cry and cry and cry for four days until monday morning when I went to court and they let me out on a 10,00.00 dollar signature bond.
That was the end of May I believe, but all I know is I have been clean for & months and just finished up all my court proceedings, and I ended up with three counts of credit card theft, 1,000.00 dollars in restitution to pay, 330.00 dollars in court fees, 2 years of probation, random urine tests, had to write apology letters to all my victims and gain back the trust from my family which I am still working on ….
Today I am attending college getting my bach. degree in business administration and maintaining a grade point average of 3.8, staying sober, can’t seem to find a job though, which I need to do asap with all the fines and fees I have to pay or I will go to jail. I am still struggling with my addiction , I do have cravings I won’t lie to you but I fight them with all my power and think about what I will lose besides my freedom ..and that’s my daughter who is my world, my boyfriend, my home, car, my father, and my college education would be thrown right out the window.
If you have a personal experience with meth that you would like to share, please send it to me anonymously