A couple of weeks ago on the Rants from the Gaslit blog I read the post called “Breaking Hearts on Meth” (site has been taken down since this post) and I thought back to the many hundreds of times my friends told me they were doing speed to lose weight. These were girls who were only 15-17 years old. Their bodies had not even finished maturing and they were concerned about being fat. They heard speed could make them skinny; sadly, they didn’t hear about the fact that speed can make you sketchy, psychotic and, oh yeah, dead.
I remember how these girls looked at themselves, sometimes for hours at a time, examining every detail, exploiting every flaw. Picking needlessly at themselves and never leaving the thought that they were fat too far behind. Many of these girls were popular, had all kinds of boyfriends and were anything but overweight. I remember being on the outside looking in and seeing how beautiful they were, but no matter how I tried, the message never got across to them. Most of my friends sunk deeper into their own personal abyss – every last one of them worried that if they stopped doing meth they would “get all fat”. They truly believed that even though their cheeks were sucked in and they had huge black circles under their eyes, they thought they looked good as long as they were using meth.
Then there was this girl I knew and will never in my life forget. We partied together alot when we were teenagers. At 15 she was a mother, who found out she was pregnant again. Not wanting the baby and not wanting to get fat, she decided to do massive amounts of meth in hopes that she would have a miscarriage. Sadly, today her son lives with his mother’s death wish for him everyday. Born with a hole in his heart and living with crippling disabilities, everyday for him is a struggle to survive – he never had a choice. To this day I wish I had been able to do something. I was too stupid and too lost in the drug world to see my way out – let alone try to lead anyone else out. Of all the stories I lived through, that one haunts me the most. I wish I could have made a difference then…
If I could make a difference to anyone today, I hope it’s you. If you are reading this thinking you are fat and that meth is somehow your answer – please understand that the voice you hear whispering in your ear today is the same one that will be beckoning you to steal from your loved ones, abandon all you know and love, and give up on life once you are addicted. Please – think about it.